Divorce Process Differences

I received a phone call from one of my friends the other day who is also going through a divorce, and realized how lucky I am on certain levels regarding this process.

Before I go on let me clarify that it isn't a walk in the park so to speak to do everything on my own, and yes there are struggles at times with keeping my wits about me. Financially is a struggle month to month. With that being said, it can always be worse.

My friend has been going through this process for a few months and it has not been very amicable. After they had a court date and everything was agreed upon, her soon to be ex decided he was retracting everything he agreed to.

She asked me how we worked out our custody agreement and I said it is completely joint, and it is working out. It was at this time that I decided not to go into every positive thing about my situation.

I can know that things are better in that regard for me without going into every detail when she is obviously struggling. At this point, I can listen and offer encouragement without saying how easy the actual divorce process has been for me.

If I could give anyone advice on this subject it would be to take a step back and truly think about the children and not how you can hurt the other individual. Is a toaster or a television really worth fighting over and prolonging an inevitable process? This isn't to say that this is what is going on with my friend, but more often than not, it does happen unfortunately.

My marriage wasn't healthy. We didn't argue constructively, and our communication was poor for the most part. I joke that, "We made each other miserable enough while we were still together so why do it now?" There is definite truth to that statement though.

From the outside looking in, the people that I know who are going through the same process right now seemed to have a very healthy marriage. I'm not so sure outsiders would have said the same of my situation. :-)

I'm content to have a decent friendship with my ex now, and have us agree on what is best for our children completely. We both see the children equal amounts, and it is part of our routine.

I would rather have that peace of mind and know that the children are seeing both mom and dad regularly than any "stuff" that could have been argued over.

Cell Phone Use

When I was thirteen, I was happy to have a phone in my room, but my children have one better. My two boys each have new Sprint Rumors.

The upside of this was that they were free with our contract, but Che` has already left his on the bus and gotten it taken up due to texting in class.

I like the idea of being able to get in touch with him whenever possible, and now that he has this phone he doesn't need a camera or an Ipod for now.

It is interesting that The Hendersonville Star newspaper recently wrote an article about cell phone use in school.

Although there are positives and negatives, I am happy with the decision to allow my children to have cell phones. I happen to enjoy the texts I get that say, "I luv u mom!"

Last Minute Time Crunch

After thinking that my ex was going to be able to pick up our daughter from daycare I got a call saying that the S.W.A.T. team had been called out.

I guess this never ends even as the ex-wife of a police officer on the S.W.A.T.

I was in the math lab at the time and needed to stay until about 5:30 pm, and Scarlett has to be picked up no later than 6. Managing to get her in time was fine, even in the downpour and I was able to pick up Logan my ten year old as well from his dad's house.

My thirteen year old son Che` had his Christmas band concert tonight and this completely slipped my mind until I get a call from him reminding me he has to be at the school by 6:30.

Really?

How I let this slip my mind is beyond me. I've never missed one of Che`s band concerts and this wasn't going to be the exception. So much for sitting down and watching a Christmas movie with the kiddos tonight.

To put a fabulous spin on my hectic evening, my van got stuck in the muddy grass for a bit and Che` and a nice man had to give it a bit of a push to get it out. Yes, it is a joyous occasion having to park in the grass at an overly crowded school event in the pouring rain!

It's funny how such a hectic schedule still makes me happy at the end of the day. I suppose it is something I'm fairly used to by now, and it is just life after all.

Thanksgiving: Still A Family Event

Finally being able to have more than one full day off has been fabulous!

I took off the entire Thanksgiving weekend so that I could spend some quality holiday time with the children, and catch up on some much needed rest! The weekend started out early with Che`, Logan, and I going to The Nashville Rescue Mission to volunteer.

We were scheduled for the 4:30am to 7:00am shift. It was really cool to have the opportunity to serve, but I feel like I needed to do more. Che`, my thirteen year old wants to do it again.

The mission needs volunteers all of the time, so we will probably go back to volunteer again!

Thanksgiving dinner was enjoyable, as we were able to eat together as a family. Yes, my soon to be ex-husband was there. No, we didn't kill each other. We both figure that we tried to do that enough during our marriage, why should we do it now? Our weekly dinner visits seem to be working, so why fix something if it isn't broken?

I don't understand why so many people have such a hard time staying civil while going through the divorce process. People ask me, "How is it so uncomplicated with you guys when you have children together?" My response to this is simple. "It is because we have children together that we make it uncomplicated."

Don't get me wrong. There are times when I want to pull my hair out because it is mentally taxing to do so much on my own. Why add to my stress by going for my ex's throat over what can be perceived as trivial matters? Besides, the children are happier this way!

Getting Behind But Staying Afloat

I'm behind on my blog posts, as my thirteen year old son has been out sick for the past three days, and I have been feeling pretty badly as well.

Last Friday I stayed home in bed, but had to work a double Saturday. I had an audition Sunday, and did well considering that my voice wasn't to standard due to the scratchiness of the cold or whatever bug I have been fighting.

I hate being behind in my Journalism Technology class, especially since this is my major. I still have to get my sound and slide together which is thirty pictures and a song for a fabulous slide show to be posted on this blog and my website.

Although I feel like I am sometimes getting behind, I do however feel like I'm slowly but surely getting into a more organized routine. When you are doing a large majority of things on your own, organization and some sort of structure is inevitable to stay sane. I am finding this out the hard way.

For whatever reason, I have always been the type of person that has to learn for herself. Someone can tell me until I'm blue in the face the easier way to go about something, and I'm not sure if it is my stubborn nature or what, but I will do what "I" feel is best first nine times out of ten.

Luckily for me and my children, I am learning the more structured route is going to be better in the long run. Of course, veering a bit off the beaten path is sometimes good for the soul as long as you don't wind up in another galaxy entirely!

Struggling

I know that my blog is supposed to be an uplifting read of how the single mother can accomplish anything!

I am realizing now more than ever that this just isn't possible. There are ways to get things accomplished, but sometimes I feel like I'm sinking rather than rising above and beyond.

Today I actually got to my first class early despite only one hour of sleep. The one hour of sleep wasn't for lack of trying, as I went to sleep at 11 p.m. I couldn't get my brain to rest and I kept thinking about things that shouldn't even be stressful to me at all, but actually have been the cause of most of my heartache and lack of rest for the past few months.

Sometimes I feel like I am doing a wonderful job getting everything accomplished. I get to class on time, homework gets completed, have my blogs posted in a timely manner for the PR office, and spend quality time with my children.

I wonder how successful single moms of the past have accomplished everything they have to do. For the love of God, I know I'm not the only woman to go through a divorce while taking care of the children, going to school, and working to make ends meet.

I'm currently reading the book "Standing Alone: An American Woman's Struggle for the Soul of Islam" by Asra Nomani. I had the privilege of meeting Asra when she came to speak at Vol State a few weeks ago.

As strange as this may sound, her struggles that she has overcome is such a motivation for me. She is a single mother herself, and former journalist for the Wall Street Journal. I feel a sort of kinship with her if that makes any sense.

She has struggled with faith in her religion, and that is another thing I can definitely relate to.

Basically, I am doing the best that I can and trying to stay focused on the goal.

Math Mayhem

Stress abounds whenever I think of math. Ever since the age of six, I remember math being an issue for me.

When the other first grade children had no problem learning addition and subtraction, I struggled. This problem continued well into long division, fractions, and Algebra in high school.

I'm scheduled to graduate Vol State May 2010, and while I got a fabulous A in History it took me two tries to get through Basic Math, and this is my second semester trying Elementary Algebra.

It is frustrating that you have to get at least a seventy five percent to pass the developmental classes. Personally I feel like if you have that much trouble with the subject in the first place, why make it harder?

When I have homework in Algebra, these are the days I depend on Scarlett's dad to take her for a couple of hours. Being the vibrant four year old she is, she isn't very happy when the attention is taken away from her due to "My Math Lab."

I believe that unless you are an engineer, computer programmer, or doctor, you don't need to know how to solve 8(8-y)/3=-y. I can't recall one time in my life of balancing my checkbook that a calculator didn't help me get the job done!

I just hope and pray that I can do well on the future tests so that I can pass this class, and move on!