Catching Santa

I always enjoy Christmas Eve night and the time leading up to Christmas.

Even though I know that I put out the Santa gifts after the children are nestled in their beds, it is still a really magical moment. I can almost hear noises outside that I swear sound like hooves.

Call me crazy but I still sometimes hope that there will be something for me from Santa on Christmas morning.

This is the one time of year where it is looked upon by most as okay to have that childlike innocence and belief in magic. Okay, well if it isn't who cares anyway. I still have it!

After waiting about forty five minutes after the kiddos went to sleep I start putting up Scarlett's doll house that Santa brought for her.

I had put it together a couple of hours before at my ex's house before he got home from work; with his permission of course. This is another positive of having separate houses.

The kiddos have two bedrooms upstairs and can overlook the living room area if they are in the hallway outside of their rooms. I nearly jump out of my skin as I hear, "Caught ya Santa!!" I scream a little and look up to find Logan looking down with a smirk on his face. His brother Che` says from the bedroom, "Logan you're stupid. Get back to bed." Che` knows that you can't spy if you are getting any presents, although he shouldn't call his brother stupid.

Obviously the boys don't believe wholeheartedly anymore as they are ages thirteen and ten, but there is always that doubt that Santa could be real. I've never come out and told them. When they asked, I told them that they can believe in whatever they want. That seemed harmless enough.

I still have a few more years with Scarlett as she is only four, and I will keep the magic going for as long as possible.

I hope that everyone had a very Merry Christmas/Happy Holiday.

Extremist Perspectives

There was a situation at work today that got my brain ticking again and back to a place where I used to be when I was extremely active in my church a few years ago.

I would like to find that middle ground. The middle ground for me would be not preaching to people, but not going to the opposite end of the spectrum either. I have been told by friends that I am an extremist meaning it is either one way or the other.

I had never really thought about it before until it was brought up to me. Looking at the past few years when I was very active in church however, and then my life for the past two years, I can see how that has been true.

We had only been open for about thirty minutes, and I was at the front door with a few of the other waitresses waiting to greet and seat people in our sections.

I didn't have anyone sitting at my tables yet so this man walks through the door and I ask if it is just him. He says he just wants to tell us something. He walks up to those of us standing at the door, and says, "There will be trumpets."

I don't remember word for word, so ethically I don't want to misquote him. He says that God will be coming again, and spoke of Jesus for a bit. I look around at the other girls and they are completely looking at him like he is insane and I can sense they are uncomfortable. Me, on the other hand, just look at him and smile.

After a few minutes of this one of the girls said, "Okay thank you!" I said, "Merry Christmas!" He looked at the other girls and said something along the lines of you will need more than a pretty face when he comes again. He looked at the girl who spoke to him and said, "If you want me to go away you must not be ready." He left after that.

The girls were saying, "What was that?" They thought he was crazy, and a few were a bit freaked out.

I wasn't freaked out. My reasoning is this. In my opinion he actually spoke the truth, he just went about it in an overly zealous way. Okay, an extremely overly zealous way.

Was he a prophet speaking the word of God? Probably not, but as long as he isn't hurting anyone, I'm okay with that. On the other hand, if he was a prophet, I wasn't rude and I let him speak his piece. You never know!

Perhaps he will be able to achieve his goals of spreading the word of the second coming with a little less zeal one day, and maybe more people will welcome that information.

As for me and my family, my children deserve to have that middle ground balance, and that is always a work in progress. I'm speaking from a recuperating extremist perspective of course. I am getting there though.

May everyone else find the balance that suits them and their own paths.

Failure Lined In Silver

The semester has come to a close, and I have to say I'm not thrilled with how things turned out. I needed a 75% to pass Elementary Algebra, and I ended up getting a 70.4. To those of you who were in my corner, believe me I'm so disappointed in myself.

Keep in mind this came up from a 62% in about three to four weeks. I now know the secret to my success and it involves being in the math lab every day.

This was my first attempt at school as a single parent, and it is a completely different ball game.

Working two jobs, studying, and trying to keep my children in good shape, was a bit harder than my brain wanted to comprehend.

To be fully accountable, I must say that I could have done things a bit differently to do better. Had I gone to the math lab earlier in the semester, and rearranged some things I would have been ahead. I had previously had a bad experience in the math lab so I wasn't sure it would help.

My boss in the PR office urged me to try again, and even told me he wanted a blog about it. Now I had no choice but to go. This was the best thing for me.

There is a silver lining in all of this though. My math professor got me into a class that is both Elementary and Intermediate Algebra condensed into one semester so that I can still be on target to graduate.

The downside of this is that now I am taking seventeen hours of classes! I am going to be living at Vol State. Since I have no choice but to quit my waitress job with the slight possibility of working one day a month, I will max out my hours in the PR office working on Vol State's blog.

I am now more determined than ever to succeed, even if it kills me! Whew! It may just do that, but I will die trying! :-)

Quitting One to Keep Another

For the sake of trying to keep this blog as uplifting as possible, I tend to not go into the negatives of my life that often.

Yes, I try to look at the positive in almost everything as I consider myself a "glass half full" type of woman. However, I have had my nervous breakdown type symptoms.

The past two years have had many ups and downs, and I would like to say I'm a better person for it. Through all of the positive outlooks, I have had my fair share of tears, and I've felt like mentally having a breakdown, but pulled myself out of the well because I don't want my children to see giving up as an option.

Today I started getting that feeling that I'm never going to get through school. I haven't done nearly as well as I could or should have this semester. I simply took on a lot more than I should have. I was taking classes, working at the PR office, performed in an opera, and worked at Hooters. Ugh!

I made a decision today, and I'm sticking to it. Since I'm taking fourteen hours of classes starting in January, and my contract will continue as the student blogger at Vol State, I'm going to have to quit my weekend job at Hooters.

Actually, I'm going to ask my boss this weekend when I go in if I can work possibly once a month or every other month to keep my position open so that I can work the summer I graduate before going to MTSU or Western.

From a job perspective this if completely fine with me as this isn't my favorite job. I simply don't think I love being a waitress, but this has been the way I have paid for Scarlett's daycare each week. Of course, there have been times when I still haven't been able to pay, but I am seriously going to have to cut back now.

I'm not sure how much more I can cut back though. I'm sure there is a way. There simply has to be because my education and future career is important to me. I have waited entirely too long, and I can't keep putting it off. I picked a hell of a time to get divorced!

Well there you go. Life comes at you fast.

Divorce Process Differences

I received a phone call from one of my friends the other day who is also going through a divorce, and realized how lucky I am on certain levels regarding this process.

Before I go on let me clarify that it isn't a walk in the park so to speak to do everything on my own, and yes there are struggles at times with keeping my wits about me. Financially is a struggle month to month. With that being said, it can always be worse.

My friend has been going through this process for a few months and it has not been very amicable. After they had a court date and everything was agreed upon, her soon to be ex decided he was retracting everything he agreed to.

She asked me how we worked out our custody agreement and I said it is completely joint, and it is working out. It was at this time that I decided not to go into every positive thing about my situation.

I can know that things are better in that regard for me without going into every detail when she is obviously struggling. At this point, I can listen and offer encouragement without saying how easy the actual divorce process has been for me.

If I could give anyone advice on this subject it would be to take a step back and truly think about the children and not how you can hurt the other individual. Is a toaster or a television really worth fighting over and prolonging an inevitable process? This isn't to say that this is what is going on with my friend, but more often than not, it does happen unfortunately.

My marriage wasn't healthy. We didn't argue constructively, and our communication was poor for the most part. I joke that, "We made each other miserable enough while we were still together so why do it now?" There is definite truth to that statement though.

From the outside looking in, the people that I know who are going through the same process right now seemed to have a very healthy marriage. I'm not so sure outsiders would have said the same of my situation. :-)

I'm content to have a decent friendship with my ex now, and have us agree on what is best for our children completely. We both see the children equal amounts, and it is part of our routine.

I would rather have that peace of mind and know that the children are seeing both mom and dad regularly than any "stuff" that could have been argued over.

Cell Phone Use

When I was thirteen, I was happy to have a phone in my room, but my children have one better. My two boys each have new Sprint Rumors.

The upside of this was that they were free with our contract, but Che` has already left his on the bus and gotten it taken up due to texting in class.

I like the idea of being able to get in touch with him whenever possible, and now that he has this phone he doesn't need a camera or an Ipod for now.

It is interesting that The Hendersonville Star newspaper recently wrote an article about cell phone use in school.

Although there are positives and negatives, I am happy with the decision to allow my children to have cell phones. I happen to enjoy the texts I get that say, "I luv u mom!"

Last Minute Time Crunch

After thinking that my ex was going to be able to pick up our daughter from daycare I got a call saying that the S.W.A.T. team had been called out.

I guess this never ends even as the ex-wife of a police officer on the S.W.A.T.

I was in the math lab at the time and needed to stay until about 5:30 pm, and Scarlett has to be picked up no later than 6. Managing to get her in time was fine, even in the downpour and I was able to pick up Logan my ten year old as well from his dad's house.

My thirteen year old son Che` had his Christmas band concert tonight and this completely slipped my mind until I get a call from him reminding me he has to be at the school by 6:30.

Really?

How I let this slip my mind is beyond me. I've never missed one of Che`s band concerts and this wasn't going to be the exception. So much for sitting down and watching a Christmas movie with the kiddos tonight.

To put a fabulous spin on my hectic evening, my van got stuck in the muddy grass for a bit and Che` and a nice man had to give it a bit of a push to get it out. Yes, it is a joyous occasion having to park in the grass at an overly crowded school event in the pouring rain!

It's funny how such a hectic schedule still makes me happy at the end of the day. I suppose it is something I'm fairly used to by now, and it is just life after all.