I received a phone call from one of my friends the other day who is also going through a divorce, and realized how lucky I am on certain levels regarding this process. Before I go on let me clarify that it isn't a walk in the park so to speak to do everything on my own, and yes there are struggles at times with keeping my wits about me. Financially is a struggle month to month. With that being said, it can always be worse.
My friend has been going through this process for a few months and it has not been very amicable. After they had a court date and everything was agreed upon, her soon to be ex decided he was retracting everything he agreed to.
She asked me how we worked out our custody agreement and I said it is completely joint, and it is working out. It was at this time that I decided not to go into every positive thing about my situation.
I can know that things are better in that regard for me without going into every detail when she is obviously struggling. At this point, I can listen and offer encouragement without saying how easy the actual divorce process has been for me.
If I could give anyone advice on this subject it would be to take a step back and truly think about the children and not how you can hurt the other individual. Is a toaster or a television really worth fighting over and prolonging an inevitable process? This isn't to say that this is what is going on with my friend, but more often than not, it does happen unfortunately.
My marriage wasn't healthy. We didn't argue constructively, and our communication was poor for the most part. I joke that, "We made each other miserable enough while we were still together so why do it now?" There is definite truth to that statement though.
From the outside looking in, the people that I know who are going through the same process right now seemed to have a very healthy marriage. I'm not so sure outsiders would have said the same of my situation. :-)
I'm content to have a decent friendship with my ex now, and have us agree on what is best for our children completely. We both see the children equal amounts, and it is part of our routine.
I would rather have that peace of mind and know that the children are seeing both mom and dad regularly than any "stuff" that could have been argued over.
